NOTE: THIS IS A SPECIAL POST FOR YOU PARENTS OF YOUTH AND CHILDREN. OFTEN TIMES PARENT'S PUT SO MUCH EFFORT AND ATTENTION INTO THEIR CHILDREN THAT THEY FORGET ABOUT EACH OTHER. THEN, WHEN THE KIDS ARE GONE, THEY LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AND ASK, "WHO ARE YOU?" WE HAVE TO BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT COMPANIONING WITH OUR SPOUSES. THAT IS WHAT THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT:
I am currently taking a marriage counseling class as a part of my seminary coursework. In the course of reading a very good book about strengthening marital intimacy, I came across a term I had never heard before: companioning. The term does exist, as evidenced by the lack of a squiggly red line beneath it on my word processor right now, but what does it mean? Companioning is the term used to describe the intentional effort of a married couple to devote large blocks of time to the ongoing development of their friendship. Roland Hawkins, a very wise marital counselor, states that, “The strength of a marriage is directly related to the couple’s desire for togetherness. The average Christian marriage that fails does so because of the lack of appreciation for the importance of companioning.”
Notice the term intentional used above to describe companioning. It will not happen by accident. In fact, if a married couple, or a family, does not intentionally plan fun time together where their attention is undivided upon one another, they will not have time together. Life is busier now than ever. Between workaholic jobs, house chores, home-improvement projects, school schedules, youth league sports, business trips, retreats, and even Bible studies, we are pulled many different directions, none of which include our spouse. It is no wonder that marriages suffer once the children are grown and out of the house. The couple who fell in love years before, don’t really know each other because they haven’t taken the time to know each other when time was scarce.
Companioning is Biblical. Moses wrote in Deuteronomy this command to husbands, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” (Deuteronomy 24:5). This command from God is not renounced or revised anywhere in scripture. Obviously we cannot take a year off from our jobs, but God’s plan for marriage was for us to companion together. He desires for us to be friends with our spouses. To be friends we must invest enjoyable time with one another to strengthen that friendship. Genesis 2:18 God stated that it was not good for man to be alone, showing us that He intended for us to have a relationship with our spouse that fulfilled the three-cord bond between God, man, and woman.
So what barriers are keeping you from companioning with your spouse? Is it relationships with your friends? Your job? Household duties? The kids? Does the wife go to a woman’s Bible study, the husband to a men’s Bible study, but neither attend a Bible study together or participate with one another in a devotional time? Sometimes churches are the best at pulling spouses in different directions. I cannot encourage you to enjoy one another as much as possible. It will mean saying no to other people and commitments. But our responsibility to our spouses is second only to our relationship to our creator. Please treat them like the priority they should be.
-Pastor Adam
