Friday, September 2, 2011

The Value of Big Ears

In watching Soul Surfer recently, I really appreciated how the Hamilton family stuck together through some very tough times. I also noticed, however, that Tom Hamilton, Bethany’s father, struggled with the same thing most dads struggle with when their child is faced with a crisis: we like to problem solve. I am often guilty of not taking the time to listen to what my wife or children are struggling with; instead I dive straight into the “problem solving” role. I begin to offer advice, or put myself into the middle of the fray, which often leads to whomever I am trying to help shutting down. Tom Hamilton does the same thing in Soul Surfer, pushing Bethany and offering unwanted advice to the point where his daughter started to shut him out, if only for a brief time. My own son, Eli, does the same thing. If something bad happens at school, he is often reticent to tell me what is going on, as he’s afraid I’m going to offer him all sorts of advice. I’ve learned, through experience, to just shut up and listen. My family needs me, most of the time, to allow them to express their emotions, hug them, or cry with them. Then, once the initial emotion has been released, to offer my “nuggets of wisdom” that I think I have.


I think God is in agreement with this. James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Proverbs 18:13 declares, “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.” There are several other Proverbs and verses that emphasize the importance of listening first, then speaking. As parents and leaders of teenagers, we can often dismiss the problems our kids face as no big deal, or as typical teenage issues. In doing so, we fail to realize that their whole world is teenagedom. So when they face their difficulties, we must be willing to listen, empathize, and value their emotions. We also have to resist the urge to fix the problem for them immediately and try to move on. We absolutely need to intervene when necessary, and offer advice based on our life experience, but only after we’ve valued what they’re going through by listening to them. Teens, this is also advice to use with your friends. True friends listen genuinely and intently to what their friends are going through, and even ask “Do you want my advice?” before offering it.


God gave us each other to lean on, cry with, laugh with, pray with, and experience life with. Focus on building a solid foundation with your family and friends by listening first, then offering your tangible assistance. In doing so, the person you are trying to help, will realize you are genuine in your efforts.