Monday, April 1, 2013

Dealing With Disappointment


One of the toughest lessons to learn in life is how to handle disappointment.  Our youth got a crash course in dealing with disappointment recently when the mission trip we were to take to Mexico City over Spring Break was postponed due to inclement weather preventing our flight from making the trip. The students worked countless hours fundraising, wrote letters, raised over $17,000, trained, packed, and traveled to Billings only to come back home and unpack their suitcases without venturing to their destination. It was very disappointing; there is no way around that. The oft-used cliché, “that’s life” is not very helpful yet it is accurate. All of us are forced, more than we’d like, to make the best of disappointing situations. Our postponed missions trip is a great opportunity for the team to learn how to soldier through disappointment to a brighter day.

Those people who cannot “roll with the punches” find themselves in a miserable life. Many people who are overcome with frequent disappointments are overcome not because of the volume of disappointments they deal with, but are overwhelmed due to their expectations in life. When we demand perfection from our lives, we are disappointed. The happiness of many people is determined on life’s circumstances being perfect. When it is not, they pout and pout often.

Think about the people you like to be around the most. Why do you like to be around them? More than likely they are cheery and optimistic. Meanwhile, the people you avoid are often the “Eeyores” you encounter daily. You know the type, the ones for whom the glass is always half-empty. The reality is that if you were a fly on the wall of both people’s homes, you’d probably find that they share the same amount of disappointments in their lives, they just handle them differently.

So what should I do to handle disappointments better? Here is what I do in dealing with disappointment:

1) Expect disappointment. This doesn’t mean become a pessimist, nor does it mean you become paranoid. It just means that when something bad happens, you’re not caught off guard. The Bible flat out tells us that this sinful world and sinful people (of which I am one) will hurt us and let us down.  Jesus tell us in John 16:33, I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”(ESV) Notice the full verse? We will have tribulation, but we can soldier through it in peace because we have Christ as our advocate.

2) Look for opportunity. One of the greatest opportunities you have to be a witness to others is to be optimistic and positive in the face of disappointment. The leaders on the missions trip had a great chance to show the kids calm and positivism in light of disappointment by remaining positive and pointing out some of the cool opportunities that could come out of a trip postponement. The peace we are given by Christ, as mentioned in John 16:33, is something that will surpass human understanding. (Philippians 4:7) We want to draw people to Christ. Disappointments often give us an opportunity to cling to Christ and show we trust Him regardless of blessings or disappointments. People will take notice if we are able to handle life’s storms with s smile on our face. When they ask how we are able to handle it, we have a golden opportunity to share Christ with them.

3) Give yourself limited time to pout.  It is ok to grieve a disappointment and even pout. The key is to allow yourself a limited time to pout. This means fighting against your natural inclination to feel like a victim, or to shout “This isn’t fair” at the sky. It is okay to embrace these emotions briefly, then emerge from your self-inflicted cloud and attack your gloominess by being proactive in seeking a way out. Moving into service, activity, or spending time with a healthy relationship can help the healing and process of moving on.  Don’t become a “Debbie Downer.” If you consistently complain about the problems this world is inflicting upon you, you will eventually find yourself alone. Be a person that trusts God knows what He is doing, and act like you trust Him. Find ways to serve Him. It is not only a good antidote to depression, but also answers the call to the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37) and Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20)

The Bible is chalked full of characters who experience disappointment and challenges throughout their lives, many of which are caused by God Himself to teach the person something valuable. We should expect the same and handle it with Grace and proactivity. We find happiness in our worldly successes, but ultimately we will only find joy in the peace we have in Christ. Learning this lesson will save a lot of wasted emotion and turn your disappointments into an effective tool for Christ.