Precious Death?

One of the things I wasn’t prepared for when I went into ministry was the frequency with which I’d be facing the sad subject of death. Several times each year I am in the position of talking with people who are struggling because of a family member or friend passing away. It has forced me to try to mentally and emotionally process how a person is to Biblically respond to the grief that accompanies the sudden passing of a loved one. While this article is too short to completely delve into the topic, I do want to share a couple ideas that have helped me as I try and work through the pain of losing someone.

The first thing for Christians to realize is that grief is normal and acceptable. Many well-meaning Christians offer the platitude of “they’re home with the Lord now,” and then expect those grieving to suddenly feel better inside. Jesus Himself mourned to the point of sobbing over the loss of Lazarus, and this was while knowing that he’d raise him from the dead (John 11:32-37)! So allowing ourselves to grieve, cry, and hurt is acceptable and even healthy for us. It also can bring us closer to God through our pain if we turn toward Him as our great counselor (Psalm 34:18 & 147:3).

In grieving, I then try and view death from God’s perspective, which can be difficult. But the most helpful and comforting verse I’ve come across in dealing with death is Psalm 116:15, which says: “ Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” How can death be “precious” to God? Because we were made for so much more than this lousy world has to offer. We were created for God (Col. 3:16) and to walk and talk with God face to face, like Adam and Eve did. When you examine what the Garden of Eden was like, and what the New Jerusalem will be like, you see remarkable parallels. We realize that God didn’t give up on His desire for us to commune directly with Him when Adam and Eve fell. Instead, His redemptive plan ends with us living eternally with Him, as originally intended, without pain, sin, suffering, illness, bickering, or death. Those believers who have passed away were greeted in heaven with rejoicing as they now get to live with Christ as God originally intended. This is precious to God as He desires an eternal relationship with us, and upon our leaving this temporary home, we finally get to live with Him (and other believers) forever without the obstructions that this world has to offer.

The Value of Big Ears

In watching Soul Surfer recently, I really appreciated how the Hamilton family stuck together through some very tough times. I also noticed, however, that Tom Hamilton, Bethany’s father, struggled with the same thing most dads struggle with when their child is faced with a crisis: we like to problem solve. I am often guilty of not taking the time to listen to what my wife or children are struggling with; instead I dive straight into the “problem solving” role. I begin to offer advice, or put myself into the middle of the fray, which often leads to whomever I am trying to help shutting down. Tom Hamilton does the same thing in Soul Surfer, pushing Bethany and offering unwanted advice to the point where his daughter started to shut him out, if only for a brief time. My own son, Eli, does the same thing. If something bad happens at school, he is often reticent to tell me what is going on, as he’s afraid I’m going to offer him all sorts of advice. I’ve learned, through experience, to just shut up and listen. My family needs me, most of the time, to allow them to express their emotions, hug them, or cry with them. Then, once the initial emotion has been released, to offer my “nuggets of wisdom” that I think I have.

I think God is in agreement with this. James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Proverbs 18:13 declares, “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.” There are several other Proverbs and verses that emphasize the importance of listening first, then speaking. As parents and leaders of teenagers, we can often dismiss the problems our kids face as no big deal, or as typical teenage issues. In doing so, we fail to realize that their whole world is teenagedom. So when they face their difficulties, we must be willing to listen, empathize, and value their emotions. We also have to resist the urge to fix the problem for them immediately and try to move on. We absolutely need to intervene when necessary, and offer advice based on our life experience, but only after we’ve valued what they’re going through by listening to them. Teens, this is also advice to use with your friends. True friends listen genuinely and intently to what their friends are going through, and even ask “Do you want my advice?” before offering it.

God gave us each other to lean on, cry with, laugh with, pray with, and experience life with. Focus on building a solid foundation with your family and friends by listening first, then offering your tangible assistance. In doing so, the person you are trying to help, will realize you are genuine in your efforts.

It Really Does Matter What The World Thinks Of You!

Does it matter what the world thinks of you?

The above question is often answered by Christians with an emphatic “NO, it does not matter what the world thinks of me! Jesus loves me and that’s all that matters!” While I don’t necessarily disagree with the ideology behind the statement, I do think it is naïve and misguided. I say this because I believe strongly that it indeed matters what the world thinks of us, as believers.

This is never more evident than in the case of Daniel. We all know the story of the lion’s den, but notice, for a moment, the predicament Daniel’s accusers were in. They were upset because a Jew was one of the three administrators that ruled over them. They wanted to remove him from not only his position of authority, but from the earth altogether. They had a big problem though; Daniel’s life was flawless. Daniel 6:4-5 says, “At this, the administrators and satraps tried to find grounds to charge against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent. Finally these men said, ‘We will never find any basis for charges against this man Daniel unless it has something to do with the law of his God.’” Daniel lived his life in such a righteous way, they couldn’t even make up a charge against him as he was so far above suspicion. Instead, they had to zero in on his relationship with God and try to make that illegal.

How do you live your life? If someone really wanted to snare you with an accusation, would they find it difficult? Would people find it hard to believe that you had done whatever you were accused of? Or is your character or lifestyle one in which people wouldn’t be surprised at all. I’ve had times in my life in which people would not have been surprised to find that I had done something I shouldn’t have. The worst part of my guilt was feeling like I had given a bad representation of Christ to those non-believing friends who knew I claimed to be a Christian, but lived the same they did. As a “little Christ” (what the term “Christian” means), I reflected poorly on my Savior.

Too many Christians live hypocritical lives, and then boldly declare they don’t care what people think of them and all that matters in Christ. If all that matters is Christ, then why don’t we try to live to please Him first and foremost? If we care so much that Jesus loves me, why don’t we live in appreciation of that wonderful fact? Darius, in trying to encourage Daniel before he gets dropped into “the den,” cries out to him that he hopes Daniel’s God, “who [he] continually serves” will rescue him (6:16). Daniel was known for constant servitude to God. I want to be known for that! Wouldn’t that be cool! 1 Peter 3:16 warns believers to live life with a “clear conscious” so that people can only persecute us due to our faith, instead of our hypocrisy or moral failures.

This is not an attempt to propagate legalism. Instead, we should strive to love Christ with all of our hearts, living to please Him. In doing so, we’ll shine a light toward Him and away from ourselves. Our testimony can damage Christ in the eyes of the world if we refuse to take seriously the idea that people are watching us, all of the time, to see if Christ is really a life changer. Thank goodness for Grace, or we’d all be lost, but we need to take our lifestyle and morality seriously for the sake of growing God’s kingdom.

- Adam

The Danger of an Insecure Father

One of my all time favorite comedy programs is The Dick Van Dyke Show. Now, through the wonders of Netflix, I can watch it to my hearts delight. I recently watched an episode, however, that kind of hit a bit close to home to me – a husband and father of three. In this episode the father figure of the show, Rob, becomes very insecure at work, to the point that he thinks his co-worker is conspiring against him to take his job. It gets to the point that Rob thinks he is losing his ability to do his job well, while the other employee is suddenly shining in the boss’ eyes. Rob’s insecurity transcended into his home, where his insecurity started manifesting itself everywhere. He became paranoid and insensitive with his wife Laura, and harsh with his son Richie. Finally Richie asks his Laura “What’s wrong with Daddy?” to which Laura responds, “Daddy just doesn’t like himself right now.” Richie answers, poignantly, “I like daddy better when he likes himself.”

Richie’s comments hit me hard as I, as much as I don’t want to admit it, am quite sensitive at times and become my own worst enemy. My thought life runs wild and a small mistake quickly becomes a massive deal in my own head. The next thing you know, I think I am completely inadequate and start beating myself up verbally. The byproduct of this downward spiral is that it inhibits our ability to lead our families the way God wants us to. We become short with our wives and harsh on our children, not because of anything they’ve done, but because we are really mad at ourselves.

Dads, we need to remind ourselves that we too are God’s children. Our perfect Father created us for a purpose and loves us unconditionally. That doesn’t mean we don’t make mistakes, big ones at times, but we strive to improve, not wallow in our failures. Paul exhorts us to “Forget what is behind us and strive for what is ahead.” (Philippians 3:13) God, our Abba Father (translated: Daddy), calls us His children and has prepared in advance good works for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). We become ineffective in our God given task of being lights for Him (Matthew 5:16) and leading our families (Ephesians 6:4), when we selfishly entertain the negative thoughts we have about ourselves. We need to be honest with ourselves and look for areas where we need to improve, but the goal is to work toward improvement, not self-destruct. We will fall short of what we desire to be and what God expects of us, as we are fallible people, hence the necessity of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross and subsequent resurrection. When we feel inadequate, we need to recognize that with Christ we are adequate to complete the job He has given us: to lead our families, and be an example of Christ in the world.

The Shell and the Glory

My family and I had the miserable experience recently of having our beloved dog, Lady, pass away. It was quite unexpected. Saving you from the details, she passed away in the middle of the night. To spare my family of seeing her this way, I got up and moved her body to the garage for the remainder of the night until I could bury her in the morning. I was very sad at her passing and was telling her one last goodbye before I picked her up to move her. As soon as I picked her up, though, I realized that “Lady” was no longer there. What I carried into the garage was merely a shell. The dog I loved was gone.

I do not relay this to you to bum you out. Carrying my dog’s body was a brutal reminder to me that we all, as human beings, are currently “renting space” in the bodies we are currently inhabit. Some day we will be glorified in an imperishable body and will abide with Christ, and our fellow believers, forever (1 Corinthians 15:35-58). With that in mind, what is our goal in this life? To accumulate accolades, rewards, wealth, esteem, and a legacy that is worthless when our spirits leave our bodies and all that is left is an empty shell that will be buried and mourned?

Christ’s words in Matthew 6:19-21 become all the more real when we think seriously about death. Storing up for ourselves treasures in heaven should become our aim, where moth and rust cannot destroy and we can bask in God’s glory with our heavenly treasures for all eternity. This does not mean that we abandon our earthly callings, but instead those callings can serve a higher purpose as everything we do as believers (including your profession, relationships, and wealth) should be with the intent of pointing people toward Christ and glorifying Him (Colossians 3:17 and 1 Corinthians 10:31). We will then reap the eternal benefits of our life lived on earth.

Read It For Yourself

Two verses that have weighed heavily on my mind recently are 1 Timothy 4:16: “Watch you life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers,” and 2 Timothy 4:3, “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.” These verses have stuck with me recently as there have been several strong debates occurring within the Christian community with regards to some core beliefs. Unfortunately, many people turn to authors, commentators, and religious leaders to explain to them what the Bible says, instead of reading the Bible for themselves. There is nothing wrong with going to church, listening to a preacher, or reading a book in an attempt to better understand a Christian doctrine. The danger comes when we only do those things, and not actually read God’s word for ourselves. By relying on other fallible human beings to explain the Bible to us, we open ourselves up to their interpretation of the Bible. This becomes particularly dangerous when you stumble across a “believer” who has twisted scripture to say what he wants it to say, excusing sin or purporting a more comfortable faith than what the Bible preaches. This is exactly the type of preacher or teacher that 2 Timothy 4:3 is speaking of when it warns believers to be aware of teachers who change scripture to “suit their own desires.”

Granted, there are some periphery doctrines of the Christian faith that can be confusing, but the core of what Christians believe in is plainly read in the Bible. The question I have, then, for those that try and reinterpret scripture to suit their own desires is: Why is it so important for you to accept the Bible? If you disagree so strongly with a particular teaching of the Bible, why try and make the Bible say what you want it to say? Why not just disagree with that doctrine, or disavow the Christian Bible all together? I think I know the answer, because we all want to believe that we are okay in the sight of God, and we want God to be a comfortable God for us. It is the struggle between our sinful natures and God’s truth. By calling oneself a Christian, we are accepting the fact that our faith is built upon the Bible. By rejecting a specific doctrine or portion of the Bible, we are admitting that we cannot trust at least one part of God’s Word. If we can’t trust one part, then what is to say we cannot trust the whole thing? Thus, people do interpretive gymnastics to make scripture more palatable for ourselves and non-believing friends. To be honest, I don’t always like what the Bible has to say. But my dislike does not come from the Bible being wrong or intolerant; my dislike stems from the Bible shining a light on my sin, showing me where I need to improve, and also explaining to me that Jesus is the only Savior – something that scares me because I have non-believing family and friends. The Bible also teaches forgiveness, love, and peace, but not at the expense of holiness.

My encouragement to you, then, is to sit down and read the Bible for yourself. Read Matthew chapters 5-7, Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount, and see what Jesus himself said about several issues that are still prominent today. Or, take some time to read John chapter 3, and read Jesus’ teaching on salvation, heaven, and hell. It is great to have questions about the faith; I encourage them. But I also encourage you to search the Bible first for answers, then, when questions arise regarding something you’ve read, seek wise counsel, not popular counsel, to help you decipher the truth.

5 Books Your Teen Needs to Read

1. The Bible – This seems like a no-brainer, but it still amazes me how many adults “understand” that their teen’s life is too busy and hectic to stop and read the Bible every day. The Bible should be read even before homework, and parents should hold their teen accountable to reading it, daily. Have your teen start by reading two chapters a day. It will take them ten minutes and instill a lifelong habit that will only benefit your teen.

2. You’re Next by Greg Stier – This book is my all time favorite “youth book” that many adults would benefit from reading. Greg Stier is the founder of Dare 2 Share Ministries. His book tackles 30 big questions people have about the Christian faith. Greg weaves wild stories of his life together with the answers to these questions. Each chapter is short, with a Bible study built in, including questions the teen answers in written form to help the reader remember what they read. You’re Next is highly entertaining as well as educational.

3. Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris – The Harris brothers wrote this book as teenagers, making it an appealing book for a teenager to read. Alex and Brett challenge teenagers to not live up to the low expectations society has of teens, but to do something great for God now. They destroy the myth that the teenage years are meant for fun and training, but instead urge teens that the Bible teaches them that they should be presently living for Christ. The chapters are short and inspiring.

4. City on Our Knees by TobyMac – Christian music mogul TobyMac writes a very inspiring book for teens, again, with short chapters and entertaining tales of Christians who set aside differences and strive to make a difference in this world for Christ. The book is a collection of amazing experiences Christians worldwide have endured or caused, that amazes the reader and inspires them step out on faith, in unity, to impact the world for their God.

5. Crazy Love by Francis Chan – Chan’s book is written for an adult audience, but the message is cross-generational: God’s love for us is so hard to fathom that it might seem crazy, and that we should feel and display such love for Him. Chan drives the point home that, when you really examine scripture, it becomes evident that there is no such thing as a “Lukewarm Christian.” Genuine Christians sell out for Christ in seemingly insane ways. The book is very convicting and motivating to truly make Christ first in our lives at great cost. The earlier we learn this truth, the better, making this book an essential for a teenager to read.